I’ve no legs to stand on
so I’d best hold my hands up
I’m rich in possessions
but I’m technically bankrupt
Sat in the darkness stealing light from a candle
Rueing the money I’ve held & mishandled
It’s a scandal. How am I to cope

If I add up all that I’m worth
In terms of vinyl & torn T-shirts
I’m as rich as an high street girl
In my world

I’m the object of workmen’s mirth
The last luddite left on this earth
I’ve no idea what makes things work
In my world

She’s a delicate flower
Keeps her ears to the ground
Reacts to my commands with a quizzical frown
Tips her head to one side
As though she’s feigning suprise
And guides me with her eyes to what she desires
It’s usually chocolates or some such I’ve failed to hide
As soon as my backs turned she’ll be drinking from my mug
& owns a vocal range that leaves us all agog
I’ve learned all my mannerisms from my dog

I’ll swear she can tell the time
Together we’ve walked some miles
bla bla I’m still suprised how she knows it’s time to go
She’s no young pup, shes got worn out knees
Her ears have seized up, her God is Cadburys
She’s scared of postmen, our two tone punk dog
She ate our sofa, then brought the lumps up

There’ll only ever be one Chops

Met you on a summers night
I offered you a scooter ride
You laughed and groaned at my jokes
I poked fun at how you spoke
We got on like a house on fire
Except neither of us smoked

Now you’re my weakness
There’s half a world between us
Like a moon that orbits Venus
Or should that be Mars?
I need us to be as we are

We’ve got lots in common, like
You’ve a star sign, so have I
It was different in the water, though
I just sank, you stayed afloat
It’s a good job there was someone there
To throw me in a boat

Long days, short nights, great times
You’re the one thing that I’ve got
And you’re all I want.

Running out of steam again
Where did I go wrong this time?
Too principled for mass appeal
Uncompromising, asinine

You fight each other, I’ll retain my dignity
Here in the gutter, we’re no part of this industry
For some band so obscure we’re rather smart
Forging a career out of bit parts

While many lesser lights succeed
I’m here writing history
For all the good that it does me
There might just as well as be

Pinned to my bottom a big sign saying notice me
I feel forgotten, at the higher apsis of the scene
If fame becomes the crux on which you smart
We won’t be the ones to break your heart

We’re too friendly, too thoughtful
We get pushed into a corner
We’re not faceless or mournful
Don’t act like we oughtta
And we won’t be recording or dancing with Madonna
Don’t rub shoulders with the stars cos we’re no-one
Along with Funbug, and Chopper, and Croc.God
We’re just the writers of the bestest punk rock songs
And you won’t miss what you’ve got until we’re gone

I’ve seen most (of) my friends succeed, I’m still waiting
Although I’ve shared in their ordeal it can’t assuage me

Living this dream by putting it first
And making it last for all I’m worth
I’ve tried my hardest to be brave
But sometimes these days It’s trickling away

She knows more than I’ve forgot, my heads fallow
She is everything I’m not. I am shallow
She’s one of the things that I haven’t got
But how do I say it’s you I want
The times I’ve come so far but failed

Spending my days finding new ways
To forge out a place, one I won’t waste
more to my taste
Making a space all of my own
Where I belong

Finding new ways
To forge out a place, one I won’t waste, more to my taste
Making a space all of my own
Where I belong

How can I tell Laura D. who studies biochemistry
That someone in molecular genetics really fancies her
It’s all a question of degree
And there’s a science block between
Her and I

Where to start?
With a smile or with a card?
I can’t vent my spleen
Until I’ve learned what that means

I don’t write poetry and what I say is usually best left unsaid
My words get jumbled up and come out wrong or slurred
So I’ve got no easy answers in my head
Wish I’d done literature instead

But if I break things down
To the nth, be protean
Then I’d change more to her taste
Be her friend

I’ve kept the same hopes and ideals
Since I was sixteen and that’s almost 20 years
Can’t see a time when I won’t be
As young as the girls I feel
Invincible, a man of steel

For I still feel the same
The years don’t seem to age me or change me
As my gran used to say
I’m a modern day equivalent of Doreen Grey

I can’t see why age is so revered
I’m pointing backwards, I get more youthful every year
At this rate soon I’ll disappear
Back to where I first came from
Through the time continuum

My portrait is safe, put away
It’s growing much older apace
If this is my secret it’s a price that I’m willing to pay

Don’t fade away

Life is fraught with pitfalls in this small industrial town
The neighbours are all inbred and machismo rules their souls
The lack of trees is sinister and I don’t want to be here
Why can’t someone wave a wand and make me disappear

It’s ugly and bleak, and full of factories
Let me out please, I don’t belong here
I’m giving my birthright away
Finding a much nicer place
Even the postcards are grey from here

It’s too far gone now